I Just Can't
by champobsessioner
Summary: Regina struggles with not being able to birth Emma's magical child.
1. Chapter 1

Regina shot up in her bed, covers thrown to the side as pain racked through her abdomen. Tears threatened to fall from her closed eyes. She breathed in small gasps. Her hand clutched her stomach wanting relief from the pain she was feeling.

Emma was right there when she yelped. Her hand rubbed small circles in the brunette's back.

"Regina, what is it?" Emma questioned.

The brunette continued to cry. It seemed as though it was harder now.

"Just breathe," cooed Emma softly into her lover's ear.

Regina's breath hitched in her throat. She nodded. Her brown eyes were still closed, but she seemed to have calmed down. Her hand felt a warm, sticky liquid just under her. Gazing down, the tears came once more.

She had miscarried.

Again.

The blonde noticed what Regina was staring at and followed her gaze. Her hand shot up to her mouth. the only thing she could do was sigh.

The red spot on Regina's silky blue pajamas continued to grow as the couple sat in bed. Regina finally rose from the bed, and headed towards the bathroom to wash up.

It seemed routine. Regina rushed to the restroom. Emma changed the covers, throwing the soiled ones into the washer. She then would call the doctor to schedule a curettage. Regina would clean up and lay back in the bed, seemingly unfazed; she was strong like that. But tonight seemed different. Very different.

Emma laid on the newly covered bed. She waited for Regina. She waited. And waited. Waited. And waited. The blonde glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It had been twenty minutes since she had entered the restroom. Regina never stayed in the restroom that long. Emma worried.

The blonde rose from the bed ten minutes later.

Eyebrows furrowed, Emma knocked on the door,"Regina?"

No answer.

"'Gina?"

She tried the door. It was locked. Emma sighed and laid back down. She heard the bathroom door creak open sometime later. Her eyes shifted to the figure moving towards her.

With a long drawn out breath, Regina stiffly flattened herself on the bed. They were so close, so far away.

Regina stared at the ceiling. She wouldn't cry. She couldn't cry. This was the third time. She just wanted to sleep. And forget. Sleep. Forget. Sleep. Forget. Emma's hand ventured around her waist.

"Don't," Regina rasped. She couldn't take the sympathy. Not yet at least.

"but... Regina-"

The brunette squeezed her caramel orbs shut, "I can't, Emma." She turned away from the love of her life. "I can't go through this again."

She wasn't going to fight. She wasn't going to be comforted. She would deal with this in the morning but not now. Not now.

Regina forced her eyes to shut, letting exhaustion take her. Emma didn't sleep a wink.

-

It had been three weeks since the last miscarriage. Emma had tried to console the inconsolable brunette. But Regina closed her out. She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. The former mayor secluded herself from any and all contact. Emma hadn't seen her in three weeks. The blonde sheriff left to go on duty and when she came home, the door to the bedroom was lock; Regina quietly inside.

Three weeks and Emma hadn't seen her wife. Three weeks without a hug, without a kiss, without laying eyes on her. Three weeks.

Emma had enough. She slid a credit card between the door and the wall. It popped open easily. Emma cursed herself for not thinking of this weeks ago. The door creaked open, the blonde took a deep breath.

There in the center of the king sized bed lie her wife. Her utterly fragile love. Regina's face was free of makeup, lips pale, eyes dull but a deep scarlet red. The brunette was crunched up in fetal position. Emma couldn't even tell if she was breathing.

The blonde Sheriff crept over to the side of the bed, kneading down to face the brunette. The cocoa brown orbs didn't even falter, didn't move. They stayed staring off into space.

"Regina."

No movement. No sound. Nothing.

Emma sighed, " Regina, you can't just cut off from the world."

Only then did the brown eyes shift to look into blue. Tears Regina didn't even know she could still produce fell from her eyes. Emma embraced the woman in her arms, refusing to let her go.

"I can't do it, Emma," Regina's voice rasped out from going unused for so long.

"Do what, my love?"

"Anything." she simply stated.

Emma pulled away from Regina. She was about to offer some words that probably needed to be spoken long ago.

"I can't do anything right. I can't give you the family you deserve. I'm a failure. We wanted this so badly. You wanted this so much. And I-I-"

"Hey, it's not over, Angel," Emma replied softly, "We're down, but we're not out…not by a long shot…"

"How can you be so positive all the time?" Regina sobbed loudly, "How do you keep believing in spite of everything, Emma? How? How do you love me, despite the fact that I can't give you anything you deserve, let alone children?"

" I believe in us, Gina. I believe in you…"

Emma held Regina close as she fought back her own tears, and rocked her gently in her arms as she cried.

-


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you for the reviews and the follows, it really means a lot. This was my first SQ fan fic and I actually just finished the New Year SQ fan fic so I will put it up later on today. I don't know if I like this chapter it didn't go the way I initially wanted but I still think it came out well. This is the end. However I will be using this as a premise of most of my future stories mainly because I started this weirdly. Please review and favorite if you like.

8 Months Later

"I'm so tired," Regina whispered, yawning and stretching out on the hospital platform, causing the sanitation paper under her to crinkle, "I just want to go back home and sleep…"

"Nonsense, silly ," Emma teased, leaning close to her. "You have known we had this day planned out. We also have to go pick out furniture for the nursery."

Regina whined, "but I am only nine weeks along"

The couple sat staring at each other, Emma with a silly crooked grin plastered on her face an Regina with a playful smirk. They gazed at each other for what seemed like hours.

"You're glowing…"

"Awww honey," Regina giggled, "You're so full of it. Look at my little pooch right here. I've put on so much weight in this month alone…"

Emma started to reply when the heavy door opened and their doctor walked in and closed the door.

"Okay, Regina," Dr. Whale said, his kind brown eyes dancing as he sat down on the stool next to the exam table, "I have your results here and so far everything looks good. No downs, no other chromosomal abnormalities."

Regina and Emma looked at each other and Emma squeezed her hand even tighter.

"However…"

Oh God, Regina thought, here we go again….

"We noticed one abnormality," Doctor Whale sighed. "You have really, really high hormonal levels."

"What does that mean?" Emma asked, leaning forward curiously.

"It could mean a myriad of things," Dr. Whale replied. "And I really feel like another ultrasound is what we need in order to pick up what I may suspect is going on. That's why we made this appointment, right?"

Regina nodded worriedly and took a deep breath as she lifted her shirt and prepared to go through a process that she had been through so many times before.

Cold slimy gel.

…ugly monochromatic monitor.

Regina stared at the weird and indecipherable images on the screen and squeezed Emma's hand even tighter as she braced herself for bad news.

"Let's see here…" Dr. Whale mumbled, "I need to get a…good look. Oh, right there."

The couple looked confused as they stared at the screen and what Dr. Whale was pointing at. It looked like two small dark holes filled with white."

"W-what is that?" Emma asked aloud.

"Looks like two," Dr. Whale informed them, "Or three…but I don't see a third…not yet anyway…but there's definitely two."

—-

Regina emerged from the restroom for the millionth time. She was a big nine months, waddling with every step she took.

"Someone had to use the restroom. Again" Emma smirked.

Brown eyes narrowed. "Yes well your children are fighting for space on my bladder."

Emma smile grew and she threw her arms around her wife's waist. Regina nuzzled her nose into the pale, tones neck. Regina was the first to pull away. Her caramel eyes tinted darker.

"What is it, Gina?"

"M-my water br-broke." Regina cringed as the first contraction rocked through her body. "Call Doctor Whale. Now."

Emma rushed off to call the doctor as Regina sat recovering from the first contraction. The next one came fifteen minutes later. Regina let out a loud scream this time. Henry raced down the stairs to see his mother clutching her stomach. Henry ran to her side.

"I'm alright, sweet heart"

She screamed as one more contraction pulled through her. Seven minutes. Emma was at her side at once.

"Hey. Whale said that when your contractions are five minutes apart we bed to head to the hospital. Kay?"

Regina nodded. She bit back tears. Emma helped the distressed brunette to the couch where she laid. Emma ran off to call Snow and told her to meet them at the hospital. Regina was going in labor.

Five minutes. Regina clutched Henry's hand as the pain soared. She didn't want to alarm Henry by screaming, so she bit her lip. She cod almost taste the blood pull from the open wound.

"Emma. Get Emma," she breathed.

Henry ran to the living room to get his other mother. The two ran back into the kitchen to see Regina trying to stand. Emma ordered Henry to grabbed the bag by the door and the family headed out. Knowing Regina would never get into the Bug, Emma grabbed the Mercedes' keys, trudged towards the car.

They sped off.

—-

Regina was in shuffled to a room as soon as the family stepped foot on the hospital. Emma was right beside her bed trying to soothe her. Nurses kept asking if she would like an epidural, but both women refused; they wanted to do this the natural way.

Regina's contractions had lost their rhythm, coming at different intervals. After four hours of waiting for the contractions it was time to push.

"Oh, fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-" a shrill cry exploded from the brunette's mouth. Tears of pain began to pour down her face.

Regina clutched the pale hand tight. She was struggling.

"Emma. I can't do this"

The blonde leaned over to place a soft kiss on the brunette's temple. "You always say that," she whispered. "I believe in you. I believe in us."

Regina locked eyes with her wife. She could do this. Two more strong pushes and their first child was out. Regina's head wanted to roll back but another pain rocked from her center. She pushed, waited, then pushed again.

"Regina," the doctor called. "One more push and your baby will be out. One, two, three…"

Regina pulled her chin to chest and pushed with all her might. A cry erupted seconds later. Their children were home. They did it. She did it.

Emma disappeared from Regina's side for a moment, going to the two small tables on the other side of the room. She cut the umbilical cords. She helped clean them off. The penetrating howls from the newborns died down into slow gurgles. The former mayor lay spent in the hospital bed, eyes drooping slightly, then finally closing.

Regina felt soft lips on her cheek. Her dark orbs slowly opened as Emma appeared at her side with two small babies, one in each of her arms. Each sported fair skin and dangerously dark brown locks. Both were resting peacefully. One was placed in Regina's slightly weak arms.

"I knew you could do it," Emma peered down.

Regina smiled up at her. She placed her eyes back down on the sleeping baby.

"Hello Acelynn," the brunette placed a tender kiss on her forehead.

"Welcome to the world, Maddilynn," Emma smiled into her daughters cheek.

"Happy birthday," the women said together


End file.
